GUIDE · FOR WOMENЧитати українською

A serious man or a scammer: how to tell before you lose money or time

Romance scammers also target women who are rebuilding a life in a new country: they know you are tired, often alone, and that you would like someone to lean on. Their scripts are few and they repeat. Here they are — and here is what a man who is genuinely looking for a relationship looks like.

Updated 2026-10-13

Seven signs of a scammer

  • He says he loves you within days — before your first video call.
  • He asks you straight away to move to WhatsApp, Telegram or Viber. A dating site can ban him; in a messenger, nobody protects you.
  • He is always “far away”: on an oil rig, on a military mission, at sea, on a business trip. So a video call is always “impossible”.
  • His story ends with a request for money: customs fees for a parcel with a gift, a hospital bill, a frozen bank account, a ticket so he can finally come to you.
  • He offers you an “investment”: crypto, a trading platform, an app where he has “already made money”. First you see profits on a screen — then the money cannot be withdrawn.
  • He asks for intimate photos or copies of your documents: passport, bank card, residence permit.
  • He asks you to receive money into your account and send it on. That makes you a “money mule” — and the bank and the police will hold you responsible, not him.

Separately: a job or a move offered by someone online

An offer of a job, housing or a move to another country from a man you only know online is a human-trafficking risk. Do not go, and do not hand your documents to anyone. If in doubt, call the La Strada-Ukraine hotline: 527 from a Ukrainian mobile, or 0 800 500 335.

What a serious man does differently

  • He agrees to a video call within the first weeks — no excuses.
  • His story holds together: city, job, children — the same details a month later.
  • He is in no hurry: neither with declarations nor with moving you to a messenger.
  • He suggests meeting in your city, in a public place, and does not ask you to pay for his travel.
  • He never asks for money, documents, or photos you do not want to send.
  • He accepts your “no” and your pace — without sulking and without pressure.

A first date: simple rules

  • A public place, in daytime: a café, a restaurant, a walk in the centre.
  • Tell a friend where you are and with whom, and agree to text her afterwards.
  • Get there and back on your own.
  • Do not leave your drink unattended.
  • Do not go to his home on a first date — and do not invite him to yours.
  • You can leave at any moment. You do not have to explain why.

If you have already been asked for money

  • Stop paying. The “last payment” is never the last.
  • Keep everything: screenshots of the conversation, his profile, the account details you paid to.
  • Call your bank immediately — sometimes a transfer can still be stopped.
  • Report him to the platform where you met, so his account is closed.
  • File a report with the police in the country where you live; in many countries you can do it online.
  • Talk to someone you trust. Shame is what keeps people paying, and you were targeted by professionals.

Questions women ask

Can a scammer be on a site that vets men?
Yes. Vetting lowers the risk; it does not remove it. The rules in this guide apply everywhere — on Adorée too.
He is a soldier or a doctor abroad and cannot do video. Is that normal?
No. Anyone with a phone can turn the camera on for one minute. A constant refusal of video is one of the most common signs of a scam.
He asks for my number in his very first message. Is that a bad sign?
Not always, but it is a reason to be more careful. A serious man will happily keep talking where you met until you decide otherwise.
How do I check that his photos are real?
Run a reverse image search (Google Lens or TinEye). If the same photo appears under other names, it is stolen. And ask for a video call.
WHO IS WRITING THIS

Adorée: a private matchmaking club created by the EU4UA team

Adorée introduces Ukrainian women living in Europe to serious European men. It grew out of EU4UA, the platform Arnaud Devigne created in 2022 to find housing for 40,000 Ukrainian women and children. Women never pay. Every man’s profile is read by a person before he is accepted, and conversations stay on Adorée until you meet.

If anyone on Adorée asks you for money, report him with the Report button in the conversation. His account is closed, and the women he was writing to are warned.

Join — it is free →
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